At each stage of my life, I’ve always felt some level of dissatisfaction with myself. My skin wasn’t perfect, my belly not flat enough.
And at each stage I would look back and think why didn’t I know I was pretty? Why wasn’t I happy with myself?
It wasn’t until my 30s or 40s that I started to appreciate who and what I was knowing that my future self would look back with envy.
Today I struggle with that.
I feel like a shadow of a human, the form is there, but none of the functionality.
It’s only when I’m using my mind, giving advice, exercising my expertise that I feel human again. When I can only be heard through my written words.
When I first decided to start the blog, I struggled with what I wanted to say, what I wanted those of you who read this, to hear. My friend asked me, Why can’t this just be about sharing your voice? Saying to the world, I am here!? I froze with recognition.
I find it ironic that now this is the only way to be heard, to exercise my voice.
Experience tells me that this is the best it’s going to get.
I hope my future self looks back not with envy, but relief and deliverance.