Music

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I’m a huge P!nk fan. 

When I heard she was releasing a documentary All I Know So Far, I counted down the days and watched it start to finish on the first night available. I have a lot of respect for her tough persona and her ability to learn from her life and soften. Her music appeals to me on many levels. The lyrics resonate. How many times do I wish I had the guts to say “Keep your drink just give me the money, it’s just you and your hand tonight.” And I don’t know about you, but I have definitely “wished for an endless night” where I “Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight.” Her fearless political statements and candid depiction of her early struggles speak to her courage. And a very big factor for me is that the key she sings in almost always suits mine. The number of times I’ve sung a P!nk song at karaoke is almost embarrassing. You’d be hard pressed to find a night where I didn’t open with Who Knew, my favorite to sing. My friends would often tease me about it. Singing brings a joy that resonates throughout my body and wakes up my heart. I’ve never felt more alive than at the end of a song that I connected to. I watched the documentary with mixed emotions and tears. 

At a friend’s wedding in Mexico

Some of my earliest memories are of singing. I remember being with my mother at her job. She was teaching at a beauty school and I was often a guinea pig for her  students. My head was under the dryer and I was making up a song about butterflies. Across from me were some women under their own dyers, they were smiling at me. It made me feel self conscious. 

Through the years my singing was mostly saved for my bedroom or the car. I would sing at karaoke with the help of some liquid courage, but any flub made me crazy. It didn’t matter that I would win contests, a flat note or a missed beat would send me into a self conscious funk and silence me for the night. I studied music in college but never felt like I measured up. 

As the years went on I desperately wanted to sing in a band or perform in a bar or restaurant, but couldn’t bring myself to audition.  My ignorance of the industry paralyzed me into apathy. 

As with most things, with age came the wisdom that no one is perfect. I started to believe what others said about my talent instead of listening to my inner critic. I got more comfortable singing freely and was reintroduced to the passion I have for music and the joy it brings.    

Until I was silenced.

Thanks to illness, I no longer have the ability to produce any sound other than that which comes from coughing. Watching the documentary, listening to the music made me close my eyes and long to feel it vibrate inside of me. Hearing P!nk do What About Us, brought me back to the duet I did with my friend Deanna. She harmonized the whole song above me – it was beautiful. With all the times I sang a P!nk song, there isn’t one recording, a fact that brings tears to my eyes. 

Deanna & I playing around until our next karaoke outing.

I hate that I spent so much time fearing the unknown, feeling self conscious and not utilizing my talent. I can only imagine how much joy it may have brought to my life. 

Life is about change. This one sucks. 

I wrote this several years ago in my 100 Word group. (I added 2 words for this post, in case you’re counting)

Goddess, how many times did you Save My Life when I’ve had One Foot Wrong, or been a Bad Influence?
I’m so thankful you didn’t Blow Me One Last Kiss and Walk Away. Instead you let me gaze into your Crystal Ball showing me that no matter my Trouble, I am Fuckin Perfect. And even if life gets Mean and hits me with an 18 Wheeler truck, it can’t keep me down. So when I feel like it’s a Long Way To Happy I think, So What? There is Glitter In The Air and it turns everything a subtle shade of P!nk.

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